Best Diet Ever!

I came up with it today.  You see I do really good on Mondays and Tuesdays.  One might even say I do "perfectly" those days.  I eat healthy, staying away from refined foods and 'white' carbs.  I don't drink.  I track my calories.  I exercise twice a day, and drink lots of water.  I take my vitamin D and sometimes I even take all my multi-vitamins.

Then Wednesday comes.  I get tired.  I start to slip just a little bit.  I might only workout once and I am pretty sure I will make room in my calorie count for some crackers with cheese at night (and maybe a small glass of wine).  And I guarantee I do not take my vitamins, any of them.

Thursday comes.  I sleep in just a little bit.  I go to the homeschool playgroup and sit on my arse all afternoon.  I usually still eat good, unless someone brings food to share.  Then I get a tiny bit restless and I eat more then I should.  I go home tired, worn out, not wanting to cook, and craving potatoes (God's personal gift to me - which will be a later post).  I cook dinner, kind of, and usually eat a bit too much.

Friday.  The morning goes just fine.  I eat a simple breakfast and a decent lunch.  And then?!?  And then?!?  Do I need to say more?  It's the weekend baby.  I want to celebrate.  To me celebrations have always included good food, good drinks, and good people.  Damn it, I think I gain five pounds every weekend. 

Thank God for Sunday.  A day to rest, relax, clean the house a bit.  A day to have wine at dinner and plan for the upcoming week.  These plans mostly include how I am going to really get my shit together and get 'serious' about loosing weight. 

I've spent time reflecting on my behavior and I figure I can be perfect about 50% of the time and the other 50% of the time should just be considered 'golden' because of how perfect I was.

So here's the plan:  It's called the A.M./P.M. Diet.  It's going to revolutionize the entire weight loss community.  It's flawless.  From midnight until noon, you eat perfectly: lean organic meats/eggs, organic veggies, good fats, you drink lots of water, and keep your calories to less then 500. 

As soon as noon hits, you're good to go.  Have a Manhattan with your pesto burger and fries.  Hell, it's afternoon and you already ate perfectly the first half of the day. 

I'm sure you'll hit a craving for sweets sometime after 2:00.  It's okay.  Indulge.  Go for that movie theater sized bag of Reeses pieces.  You deserve it.  You were flawless all morning. 

Are you ready for dinner?  I don't know about you, but I'm Jonesing for a kick ass steak with king crab legs, dipped in butter.  Add a loaded baked potato, would you?  And let me wash it down with a glass or three of wine.  What the hell, you were awesome for the first half of the day. 

Late night snack anyone?  It's healthy to drink wine and eat cheese, so smother this Flacker with brie and keep my glass full!  [writing note to self: Flackers are actually not 'bad' for you = bonus!]  Shit! It's 11:59.  Down the last drink, grab the Tums, slam some water and go to bed.  You can sleep until noon.