Joy Ride

I've been a bit moody the last few weeks.  I wasn't really sure what it was, but I might have figured it out last night on my bike ride.  I think it's because I've been in a constant state of 'not-really-all-that-great'.

I mountain bike and I basically battle it out for not-last-place every race.  I have yet to have a race where I'm middle of the pack, let alone close to first.  I raced Ragnar.  Our team's only expectations were to survive.  We knew we weren't going to win our division (most of us probably don't even know what division we were in) and we weren't exactly the most creative/spirited team - although we did get a lot of props for the tutus.

So I've been working my ass off all spring and summer to be 'not-really-all-that-great'.  It sucks.  I want to feel like I can do anything.  I want to feel strong and lean.  I want to feel powerful and graceful at the same time.  I want to be proud of myself.  And I get it....I *get* that just getting out there is great and that I have a lot to be proud of and I am strong and graceful.  BUT...I want more.  I want to be good...no, I want to be great.  I want to be great at...something.

Last night we went mountain biking.  We went to our 'home' course.  We left the two younger kids at home, they were tired.  It was just Nathan, The Social Guy, and Me.  The plan was; I was going to ride the whole trail once, and the two boys would ride the whole trail, plus an additional hard loop.  We pulled up to the trail and when we started to get our gear on, The Social Guy realized he didn't bring his biking shoes.  He can't go biking without his biking shoes.  We decided that Nathan and I would still bike, but just shorten our ride.  Nathan would do the whole trail and I would do the medium loop twice.

OH MY GOD....I had one of the best rides of my life.  The trail was just challenging enough to keep my interested and I flew like a mother fucker.  I felt I had wings.  I just glided along the trail, up and down the hills, over rocks and between the trees.  No one passed me.  I got out to the clearing at the end of my first loop and tears streamed down my face.  THIS IS WHAT IT'S SUPPOSED TO FEEL LIKE!  I went for a second lap and again, had the time of my life.  I was not only good last night on the trail, I was great.

This is me, after my ride.  It's a pretty bad picture, but I can't be great at everything :)