Fat Suck

I'm a total fan of the show Biggest Loser.  I find the whole thing inspiring and amazing!  It's cool how these people go from being so over weight to being athletes and it always makes me want to work out even harder.  (I've even been known to tuck a tiny version of Jillian in my pocket, just in case I start to wimp out so she can kick my ass.)

One of the things Nathan and I have noticed is something we call the 'Fat Suck'.  Here's the thing about loosing weight, the fat doesn't come off in a nice even layer.  It comes off in weird places.  In fact, I think people actually look even worse as they are loosing weight because of this 'Fat Suck' thing.  I was going to wear my yoga pants today and instead of my nice, rounded, shapely ass and thighs...I have "Fat Suck."  Which is great, right?

It's All In The Name

First off in my newest adventure is the name.  I need a cool name.  I can't copy Biggest Loser for obvious reasons: copyright infringement, no trainer, no fat farm, and there is only one person competing...me (I hope I win).  I've been hanging out with thesaurus.com trying to come up with a catchy title for my game: 

• Ample Deadbeat
• Enormous Down and Outer
• Monster Underdog
• Spacious Flunky
• Voluminous Flop 

Nothing seems to fit and I'm having no luck with synonyms for "smallest" and "winner":

• Pint-Sized Hero
• Scanty Number One
• Small Scale Title-Holder

How about something news worthy:

• 2010 year of the Tiger, I'm done being wider!
• I've kicked it before...Let's hear me roar?
• Gold Medal Skinny Bitch (actually I read that book in about one hour and thought it was stupid...just sayin')
• I Won a Gold Medal in Metabolism

Yep, no good ideas there.  Why do I *need* a name?  Why do I need a *label*?  Is there a deep psychological thing going on there?  Probably not...

Not Quite Fat Enough

Yeah, I'm struggling with my weight.  I haven't weighed this much in my life....ever.  It's sad.  One of my favorite shows is Biggest Loser.  I love watching over-weight people turn into athletes, probably because at one time I used to be an athlete.  I love watching them work their arses off, sweat pouring off their bodies, and getting screamed at by Jillian.  I can even tolerate Bob's mushy, "You can do it. I love you." crap. 

Last week Bob and Jillian announce at the end of the show,"Think you got what it takes?  Go on-line now and sign up for our next casting!"  Hmph....I've got what it takes.  I bet you $250,000 I could take whatever Jillian can dish out.  I log onto the laptop, go to the Biggest Loser website, find the current casting link and...immediately notice that applicants must have at least 100 pounds to lose.  I only need to loose 70 and I will be at my *super-ultimate* goal weight...I-am-not-fat-enough.

I weigh my options:  Gain thirty pounds so I can possibly get a chance to work out with Jillian and get my arse kicked on national tv (including public weigh-ins wearing only my sports bra and spandex pants)?  Or maybe...I do my own version of Biggest Loser: team colors, goofy challenges, crazy temptations, and even public weigh-ins wearing only my sports bra and spandex pants.  I'm still debating...