Okay. I am about to admit something to the whole world. It is something that is hard for me to admit, because while my true friends see me up close and personal, some of you only know me by the internet or what you remember about me from a long, long time ago. Here it goes.....
I AM OVER WEIGHT! I am not talking the just ten pounds, or "firming" up kind of over weight. I'm talking forty-pounds-of-WAY-too-much-fat kind of over weight. I have been embarrassed by it since I became over weight in the summer of 1992. For those of you who have not followed my blog, that is the summer I was pregnant, was in a car accident, fractured my spine and pelvis, suffered nerve damage, and lost my baby.
I have been careful about pictures I post and tag myself in on Facebook. I have even been careful of actually meeting some of my Facebook friends in person. Some of you I still would not have met in person if it wasn't for your little surprise meetings...Lord knows what you all would say about me when you see more then a face shot. I could not even think about the judging and the crappy things that might be said behind my back. "Wow! She sure the hell got fat." But today was a miracle:
Today I was in my third car accident. (If we don't count the time I didn't have my license and my drunk father decided I "needed to learn how to drive" on a gravel road by Lake Sara and went into a ditch.)
Today I was stared at by someone in another car. I waved and hollered, "What the heck! Why are people staring at me!" My eight year old responded, "Maybe it's because you're beautiful." I giggled. My fourteen year old step-daughter chimed in, "Well, you are pretty."
Today one of my friends who also struggles with her weight admitted that she did NOT un-tag herself from photos on Facebook. That she is who she is. She was at the MFbbq and if she un-tags herself then she would "disappear" from the event, like she was never there. I admired her and respected her so much that I had no words to say to her. I was in awe of her inner beauty (and honestly she is really super physically pretty too).
And last, but not least, today a friend who is in the "just ten pounds or firming up" category was called fat. And to that I say.....srsly, what the...?!?!?!?
So, no more un-tagging or not tagging for me. I am still losing weight. It is weight that I gained a long, long time ago. It weight that I have lost and regained and will someday permanently release and let go of. I am who I am and...
I am the Mother Freakin' Princess. I have weight to lose and friends to gain, lives to touch, and reasons to make people smile.
The Inner Princess
As you can tell, I have an inner-princess. She's been with me my whole life. When I was young we were almost inseparable. It was difficult for people to tell us apart. Many times people would confuse me with her, saying things like "You are such a pretty princess." or "Just look at you in that dress, what a little princess you are." I didn't mind the mix-up. I always thought my princess was pretty freaking awesome and wished I was able to let her out every day. The older I got, the less people saw of her. It was time to grow up and become an adult. It was time to leave the dreams of big parties, fancy dresses, and prince charming behind me. But inside me, she still remained.
I've been letting my inner-princess out more often again. Wearing my tiara to classy places like Costco, Target, and play dates at the park. The reactions I get have been much more positive then I had imagined. People smile and some times make really cute comments. The fact that I can brighten someone's day just by wearing a tiara and smiling at them makes me giggle. It has started to make me think about our inner-selves. I am certain I am not the only one with something great inside of me. We all have it. We all have that super hero waiting to come out. We were made to be spectacular. We were made to do good things. I was born to be a princess, and all I want to know is what's inside of you? What kind of super hero do you have itching to get out? Let your freak flag fly and give your super hero a chance today :)
I've been letting my inner-princess out more often again. Wearing my tiara to classy places like Costco, Target, and play dates at the park. The reactions I get have been much more positive then I had imagined. People smile and some times make really cute comments. The fact that I can brighten someone's day just by wearing a tiara and smiling at them makes me giggle. It has started to make me think about our inner-selves. I am certain I am not the only one with something great inside of me. We all have it. We all have that super hero waiting to come out. We were made to be spectacular. We were made to do good things. I was born to be a princess, and all I want to know is what's inside of you? What kind of super hero do you have itching to get out? Let your freak flag fly and give your super hero a chance today :)
Lost and Found
Have you ever lost a friend? Not because of something cruel or any sort of wrong-doing, but just because you let them slip away? I have. I've lost several. I miss them all and think of them often. I wonder what they are up to, if they are enjoying life. I wonder if they are struggling and needing a shoulder to cry on. I wonder if they remember me, as I remember them.
Thanks to Facebook, I have been blessed to find several of my lost friends. This weekend I was even able to reclaim one of them person. We got to swap old memories, dance, sing, and celebrate each other. It has made me incredibly happy to have found this friend and I am determined to never lose her again...I love you Christine Martenson-Wiorek, thank you for being my friend.
Thanks to Facebook, I have been blessed to find several of my lost friends. This weekend I was even able to reclaim one of them person. We got to swap old memories, dance, sing, and celebrate each other. It has made me incredibly happy to have found this friend and I am determined to never lose her again...I love you Christine Martenson-Wiorek, thank you for being my friend.
